The Cycle

I have made a mixed CD.
Actually, it's more like a mixed playlist.
I didn't actually burn a CD because I found it pretty useless since I don't use a CD player.

I think it pretty sums up my whole life and what it constantly worries and revolves around.

Besides the good Lord that is...

Its mostly soundtracks of drama series, but it makes the perfectest sense.

I'll just keep adding tracks I feel go along. Nothing mainstream, simply because mainstream is too generalized.

I don't mean mainstream is not me, I mean mainstream generalizes feelings, whereas the songs I picked, pinpoints the exact thing I want to express.

I have no idea what I am saying actually.

I called it The Cycle.

Its the kind of songs I may never tire off.

Discovered a really cool guy today.

His name is Shayne Orok.
He reminds me of Owl City half the time, but I love his songwriting, and his vocal expressions.
I love that he loves music do much.
I love that despite having real eye he sees a vision of music.
I love it.
I love his sound.
I love his passion.
I love that he's a hard find.

Music is beautiful.
Music is language.

"Keeping up, keeping up with the time lapsed lifeline."

I dont like it

[title here]... When someone talks, walks, play, partners me just cause the person they want to do anything with is... Unavailable, unwell, somewhere else.

Then, I have to think for some other person who might REALLY want to talk;walk;play etc. with me to ensure that they don't get left out.

Some people think its that easy. Just grab a partner and go!

I'm glad I'm not that self-centered.

Then again, why should I think for people when they don't even stop to consider the hurt they can inflict with a ripple effect?

Human nature.

My Ass.

I guess when I laugh, I am not really laughing. When I smile, I am not really smiling.

I am angry.
Angry is useless.
So I laugh.
Which is a really stupid phrase.
"Hiding behind this facade"

That's not cheesy. Its really really stupid.

Yet, it applies to me all the same.

Have you ever met this person you were hoping was someone different for a change, and when all hope seemed bright. You realized that this same person is just turning out to be turned into what every disappointment was? I have.

I guess nobody's perfect, but why is everyone almost the same? I'm no different.


People come into your life for a reason, a season, or a lifetime. When you figure out which it is, you know exactly what to do


The thing is, I don't.


All life is, is a cycle.
All actions are a repeat.
And all people are photocopies and reflections.
Different yet same.

Hey World! - Hair, Candy and stuff

I haven't been updating lately, and thats cause I have no time. I have countless drafts of material which needs editing, but I simply can't find time to spend 5hours per post. Since today is Youth Holiday where I come from, and I know aside from all the June Holiday times I should post, I decided to do a day out post!

I really apologise to those who read or not, for the lack in posts, and what a short and unfulfilling one this might be... Without further ado...

First, I wanted to trim my fringe and my split ends, unfortunately, my hairdresser wasn't in till later in the afternoon, so I headed down to vivo first to get this!

Crystal View Screen Protector for Macbook 13 in.

However, the guy at the booth said they did not offer any helping services, so as of now, I am stuck with a piece of screen protector I have no idea how to stick. If you know how to, or have a tutorial, please let me know!

I later proceeded to have a hearty lunch, which resulted in my overhearing a family talk about Eclipse in a very approving manner. I have not watched it yet, and would definitely like to see it soon! Call me an eavesdropper, but the guy said that "The previous 2 films are like the build-up, and Eclipse is the real drama" I wanted to laugh. It was a guy. Who liked. Eclipse. And I thought only girls were swooning over it. (No insult intended!)

If you have ever heard of rock candy in Singapore, you must have probably heard of Sticky located in The Central @ Clarke Quay, a shop that showcases the making of beautiful rock candy, that is attractive and edible. A sure bonus for the sweet tooth! After much pondering over what to get, I got a jar of Rock Mix!

Pretty Colourful packaging!

Even yummier candy!

For those who know, such candies are simply too attractive to resist, and too yummy to stop eating! After finishing my mini bottle of Made in Candy, I have decided that rock candies in general, are tasty, wide in flavour variety, and that passerby just can't stop oogling at the way it is made.

Finally down to the haircut!

My Bangs!

It isn't a very good picture, as I've been through a LOT of wind after getting out of the salon, and it's relatively hard to comb down, so this are real fringe flyaways.

My Hair

My hair isn't usually this straight, or flowy in a nice way. I simply adore salon blow dries, and how they turn out, and therefore I have concluded the 5 things you would need for the ultimate DIY blowdry.

ULTIMATE BLOWDRY.
1. A round brush!

Best used during blow drying AFTER a using comb.

Varying sizes!

They vary in size, and the best round brush to get is totally up to you, though I'd definitely prefer a slightly bigger one as compared to the usual brushes I own.

2. Nozzle Hair Dryer

To be used with a heat protectant on your hair!

Look at the narrow end!

Nozzle Hair dryers have a narrow end that directs all heat at directed point of hair, enabling a fast and efficient blow dry to a section of hair, in any direction you wish to blow it to!

3. Leave in Conditioner

Best used after a towel dried hair! (Meaning: When your hair is only a little damp and NOT dripping wet!)

A Spray bottle!

I took a picture of a blank spray bottle as leave in conditioners suitable for certain hair types vary, and there is not one perfect brand for everyone. However, a spray bottle for a leave in conditioner is a very convenient packaging that allows the product to spread to a larger surface area of the hair!

4. Fine Tooth Comb

Best immediately after washing your hair

Varying sizes and types!

A fine tooth comb allows to get through your hair to make sure that there are no tangles that may interrupt the process of getting advertisement-like blow dries!

5. Oil Balance Lotion

I have no picture for this, once again, product brands vary, but an oil balance lotion is very much necessary if you intend to let your hair out into humid or dry conditions. This leaves your hair in its best condition for as long as possible

These are the extra products aside from shampoo and conditioner that I use for my hair.

Products for your hair are very much important. One should aim to get the best, and only the best. Unless of course, you intend to get dreadlocks or shave of your head!!

It would be nice

It would be nice if you'd actually asked me what you ask your friends.
It would be nice if you'd take the time to listen.
It would be nice if you actually heard.
It would be nice to know that you would be happy to see me.
It would be nice if I was more important than those friends.
It would be nice to know that you would cancel anything for me.
It would be nice to know that you cared about me more than them.
It would be nice to know that I wasn't just a duty.
It would be nice if the time spent wasn't cause you were free.
It would be nice if you truly understood.
It would be nice if you actually wanted to understand.
It would be nice if you didn't talk on the phone all the time.
It would be nice if you kept your promises.
It would be nice if you remembered your promises.
It would be nice if you actually knew me more than you know you friends.
It would be nice if you would stop looking at the surface and see that hurts have different degrees.
It would be nice if you stop thinking certain experiences triumph over others.
It would nice that I was just as important.

It would be nice if you actually knew me more than you know you friends.

It would be nice if you actually knew me.

It would be nice, wouldn't it?

And through it all, I never asked you to be like the copies of those who are better. Just my copy. 

dear me.

Dear Me.

I am writing because I do not know what else to do or say, and because in some freak reflection, I don't know who I am.

It may seem like another depressing topic. Emotional maybe, but isn't everything? I don't look in the mirror and say "that's not me", or some story like jolt of knowing, I just feel and perhaps know. I look around me, and all I see are materials, objects, dead things. Obviously they can't be dead, cause they were never alive, but you know the whole mellow drama meaning.

I wonder, if what I write in private is the real me, or what I do. It's really hard to tell. If it is so, and there is such difference, then I think that perhaps, just perhaps, I am really doomed. I could most possibly have trapped myself in a loop of mess and uncertainty, both of which is supported by possible unattended to emotions and past situations. I'm not very sure.

Do I put on a facade? Is this also a facade?

I bet there are many out there who wonder the same thing. Possibly at the same moment in some twisted time theory of some sort. This is just gibberish.

I feel like I stopped in time. Long enough to see the things around me, long enough to be unblinded by the friend I hope to be, and it disgusts me.

Maybe you can picture it this way.

Along the grey pavements, I walk. Dirty, cold and hungry. Not physically. Two girls run up and grab my hands. Hug me with warmth I've never felt. Feed me, with fun I never had before I walked the pavements. They step back as they realise more similarities they had, and run to a swing for two. Not offering, not asking. They are smiling in as they swing, holding hands. Happy. Through the silence of a glass that divides, I can see. The truth in all, they pretend not to see. They turn on either side to greet the others. Gossip. They're still holding hands you see, like parasites to each other.
I walk pass a lovely house, filled with children from all backgrounds. Crosses and holy monuments and ornaments line the house. A warm and inviting fire burn in the fireplace. I stare in awe. The crowd of children gather and welcome me. They bring me about and out. They chatter and laugh. I stand with the masses, but yet I see the bubble that forms around me. Silence. I see them laughing chattering, Smiling and gesturing to me. But they do not see what I can see. A line of twos I walk alone. I cannot cry. They say goodbye and run back to the house of warm fire. I am not invited in.
I see an old man. So generous and loving.  He smiles and gives to every stranger, lending them a shoulder. An ear. But this old man you see, has a wonderful family. And this daughter you see, he knows nothing off. So much for love and generosity
I walk on the grey pavement. Trudging further in hope. But this grey pavement goes too long. I cannot cry.
I walk past an old school. I see a girl jump. The children gasps, cries for help. Not for long, for they move on. And that little girl was forgotten. And in that little girl I see, many little girls to be. For those little children, treat the many, like the little girl forgotten.
This grey pavement is getting colder, harsher. I turn around to see. A glass display before me. I see myself with them, but the bubble around me.
Time slows for me you see, and I can see. I know.
I know.

Isn't it beautiful how words can string together the cores of life?

The times will soon be up for me, be as long as I breathe, I see.

I don't really Know.

Its been like what? A few weeks now? Probably nearly a month? I don't know. Anyway, during those few moments, I've been thinking, what exactly do I want to do with this blog? I mean, it isn't exactly an all fashion blog as I started it out to be, and it isn't exactly and all review blog as I tried it out to be, it's my blog, for the world to see. I don't know what to write, and recently, my flow's been stuck, and I realized that it was all because I was looking forward to one thing. My Macbook Pro I am hoping to get for my birthday. I guess its the NEW thing feeling. You know, whenever you're gonna get something you really REALLY want, and you want to start certain things afresh, well, this is it.

I was hoping to experiment with a mass of things once I got my lappie, but it seems like it won't be anytime soon. You see, my birthday is on the 18th of June, and  I suppose I should wait that long, but I can't. Its like getting your hands on the latest Birkin Bag and you don't want to wait in line. That's exactly how I feel, except my lappie costs lest than $5000 and does not have exotic skins sewed to it, thought that WOULD be wicked cool, but its just not right?

I don't know.

Anyway, I've been massively into tweeting suddenly. For anyone who's been hiding under a shelf, or a tv set, or even a tree. Tweeting is the action of typing in your current status on this fast and easy site Twitter. It provided an alternative from blogging, of course, people continued blogging along with twitter. Its what makes people feel like a celebrity, when they truly aren't. Its kinda creepy, but its cool. I remembered like it was yesterday, the day I started twitter. I had no followers, I followed no one. Simply because no one I knew, knew what on earth Twitter was. Unfortunately, its crowded and jammed with people now.

Besides that, it feels like everybody wants something from someone. Its like feeding off people. Okay I have no idea what or why I just wrote that. My dog is digging a cupboard. Its reeally noisy.

I've been on a massive spree of Criminal Minds lately, and I rekindled my almost dying crush on Spencer Reid, Dr Spencer Reid. Actor aka Matthew Gray Gubler. I won't put any links today cause I'm kinda tired, but I will say that MGG seems like an exact uncanny copy of Spencer Reid. The quirks and works part. He's website is filled with artistic creativity hand drawn and posted. Its really interesting I would say. Interesting art, unlike interesting model answer 'interesting'.

Then there's a super fast update news about Greyson Chance? Tween singer. He's often compared to Justin Bieber to some fans as better, to others "Sorry but Justin Bieber is more magical". Seriously? You wanna bring Miss Magic into this? I'm laughing now.

Honestly, Greyson Chance is the greatest kid I've ever heard. For real.

His voice is honestly a treasure. His passion, a hard find.

Justin Bieber once said, he never even practiced as hard for the competition he was singing in and he won. Talent is one thing, but passion. That's the real deal.

Greyson Chance's inspiration comes from the one and only Lady Gaga. He plays the piano, and transformed her song Paparazzi into his own.

Are you seriously gonna try to bargain with magic for Bieberboy? This kid is a kid.

His name is Chance! What other proof do you need?

I guess some people just can't stand the attention Bieber's getting, and the fact he doesn't seem fit to get it. People like me however just wish he had more appreciation for the talent he has, other than running of singing about girls taller than him. I like Bieberboy's songs no doubt, but I just wish there was more substance and feel.

Greyson Chanc wins hands down. I support him!

Okay. This is the end to my chain of randomosity and ridiculousity. If those are even words(Their not). Off to Family Guy and the Simpsons. Maybe more of a Criminal Minds.

I don't really know.

Inexplicable.

I was planning on completing my post on Glee but something hit me. Something else. Something that I'm really pondering on. Lets put it simply/ As a teenager I'm going through this "phase" as most might put it. Yes indeed, a "phase" a stage in which life goes through a mode of change of some sort sort of like the motion of transitioning. Not the before, or the after, but the process. The act, the motion, the committing, the deed. Funnily, all processes have their products before the end product. What do I mean? I guess I can't really say I'm sure, or how sure I am of explaining it, but what I think this head of mine truly means, is that in the midst of all we do, and all we say, there's always something produced, before the actual product. Simply put. There's never a sure result for all actions lead to varying results, of which when combined together, produces the supposed end result seen heard and thought of by the naked eyes, ears and mind. The rational.
Nothing really is rational is it? How can it be? Why is it that an action can actually be rationalized so easily, when there are many reasons why it isn't. Like, why is it rational for an adult to discipline a child, but no the other way round? Honestly, I am not arrowing this at some parent-child relationship issues, I am really wondering why so. Why is it rational for someone older to yell or scold, reprimand or reason to someone younger? What if the younger is right? If they are, then them correcting the older is deemed as rude, and they are punished? What is the rational behind that? Why are all these mannerisms and 'respect' preset for us humans to follow so easily, and  since we do, why do we follow them?
Why is it okay, for adults to get worried over politics, but when teenagers face such oppressions, it is "part and parcel of life"? Day in, day out, people constantly state the reasons for the ever rising suicidal rate for teenagers is because they couldn't take what was "part and parcel of life", is it not unfair that teenagers in general are viewed as stupid for even thinking that way, just because these older people have lived through it before, and therefore it is seen that every single living piece of young being should be able to? What is this monstrosity of  expectations of generation some have not lived in, live to experience in, and pass off their age as a negotiating factor for experience? Teenagers aren't just pieces of meat being molded into the narrow-minded working drones of today's society. They aren't just going through a stage either. Why are our life situations viewed so little off simply because we haven't experienced the real world? What is the real world? Does being financially independent, getting a job and living on our own considered the real world? Isn't that just a physical aspect, the black and white, pen and paper verification of your 'adulthood'? So does that mean your adulthood is certified by those things? What about the children in third world countries exploited by many others out there? Yes, indeed they are viewed as children of undeserved sufferings, who have suffered much more physical and mental trauma then we of more developed countries have. We are labelled, spoiled, bratty, inexperienced, ungrateful. We are judged from the physical aspect, we are judged on what is conjured by one person, which is then further amplified by millions out there who assume they first observed. What right is there?
Does not the emotional pain that is probably a million times more devastating count for experience? If one teen loses his or her life over some romance failures, is that deemed as stupidity simply because we perceive it to be? If we are not her or him, how can we understand the pain and trauma felt by the different individuals? Do we simply categorize so generally the course of actions just cause we are afraid of the truth, the truth that maybe, just maybe, there is so much more to this teen that the world does not understand, and once again, might I clarify, that this is not about me, maybe a fraction of me, but not me, simply a block of questions I have bottled up and left to reluctantly evaporate, and so, I hope it is not so quickly assumed I am suffering from some romantic loss or such ridiculous assumptions of such. There is so much to one person that the whole world doesn't understand, that the law fears of having to look into to incorporate more investigations and more laws, so much so, that legal terms cannot define the actions because who can judge emotions with words? It is this fear, I feel, that causes the world to generalize every problem handed to them, and therefore, it is said, as we grow older, we lose our imagination. I believe we do, for as we grow older, we have so much physical aspects to handle, that we shut our emotions out, and limit them to the basics. The older the generation grows the more we fear of having much more to handle, so we shut out the first signs of pure inexplainable emotions from the beginning, so we don't have to deal with it. Then again, what right do we have to decide for others, if it is the fear in ourselves. Then again, it is only the majority that is important isn't it, and therefore, it is only alright to force the opposing minority out, or create a large conventional categorization, so that right and wrong is indefinitely accepted by today's society, and is therefore since it is so outwardly expressed, the levels of acceptance, that it suddenly seems that what is right and wrong, has already been set by a system of humans who fear.
I refuse to accept, yet, I have no idea what I am refusing, for it certainly isn't rational to go against a system that is based on fear, for it is not the instability of the system I am pointing at, but simply the silliness of actually trying to go against emotion.
So therefore, I guess we can conclude, that even older people have mass emotions, yet, they only disguise it under legal systems to appear correct. Teenagers are definitely not going through any less, because, they have no legal system, to guard or guide themselves. The emotional wreck they feel of themselves, is more than justifiable, simply because it isn't given the thought it rightfully deserves. Therefore, is it right to say, that teenagers experience more than adults, and therefore, it is the younger that should be deserving of authority? Then again, it is impossible to measure the weight of the emotions for we do not know every individual, and sometimes, the individual do not know themselves.
So therefore, I guess I have finally justified this uncomfortable punch in the stomach, in a minute amount. I still have no answers, but I still have questions.

Today's society is a ruckus, and we are part of it. It is no right to justify, yet our right to clarify. How can we differentiate?